Are you there Vodka? It's me, Chelsea--Book Review

Book: Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea

Author: Chelsea Handler
Publisher: Simon & Schuster Inc.
Released: 2008
No. of Pages:  295 for Hardcover
Retail Price: $16.00- paperback and $12.00 eBook
Miscellaneous: Chelsea is an actor and comedian. She has written other successful stories like “My Horizontal Life” which is basically about one night stands. The name of this book is very similar to Judy Blooms “Are you there God? It’s me, Margret.

I’m one of those writers who actually hate reading books. I probably don’t write as well as I think because I don’t like to read. I sit and read the newspaper only to pick up on their writing styles and every time I try to read the Bible, I find myself waking up when I didn’t even know that I was asleep. However, it was the title of the book that demanded my attention but I wasn’t immediately sucked in yet. I searched inside the book and saw how insipid “prepubescent boy” was thrown into the first paragraph of chapter one and it bothered me considering how ingenious the title was; she could’ve did better in describing a boy who’s penis only knows to stand up after a long dream of Spiderman saving the world before his mommy called him down for breakfast. Even still, the mentioning of a boy and puberty shouting Chelsea’s name and the fact that she was so delighted about a boy’s attention at such a young age wheeled me right on in.

The imagery that reads “After lifting up one of my earmuffs…I nervously attempted to release my wedgie…when wearing two mittens the size of car batteries” was a masterpiece since not only can you see this event, it also conveys her innocence as a 5th grader. This line had me snickering at work which is very unprofessional but anyone reading this particular literature of Chelsea Handler would tell their boss to “eff” off because it’s worth the laugh beyond a dull days work.

The extremities that Chelsea went through to explain her neglect of her homework and then to keep it going and act as if she really was playing a part as Goldie Hawn’s daughter in the also spurious Private Benjamin 2 were farfetched but brilliant. I mean, what happened to Bart Simpson’s “the dog ate my homework?”Teasing and bullying is a huge concern today and many parents of child victims that have committed suicide from being overwhelmed with the abuse only wish that there child was as inventive as the 5th grade Chelsea and would rather their child be dubiously dancing in Hair Spray 3 than committing suicide. Her lie about Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell just enticed my brain to know more about how she would handle such an intense situation. Would the other children find out and the bullying strengthens, will she actually try to jump out of her father’s ugly car and inflict pain on herself, what would happen?

   

    I understand Chelsea to be very entertaining but not horribly funny to the point that I can’t breathe or have to urinate on myself. She only gives me the snicker affect and thats only literature wise. See, I’ve never seen Handler on the big screen and from what I’ve read in the book reviews, she is much better on-screen and should stay there instead of story telling. One review read “I’ve decided that I enjoy watching Chelsea Handler much more than reading about her real life in books. I did like this book more than the first one, which was about her one night stands. I don’t want people I like to seem trashy, and thats how the first book made me feel. I still think she’s hilarious...I had one “one night stand”  and I did but didn’t understand her POV. You like Handler but you don't like where she is from. Maybe her up-brining and way of life made Chelsea this funny person that this reviewer enjoys only on screen and not while reading her life stories. Some of the stories in her book probably never happened or weren’t as dramatic as they appear to be without a little exaggeration. However, the reviewer turns around to say that she has been in a one night stand so in telling a story, this proves that your audience is attracted to real situations whether they like to look trashy or not. Does it take 2 one night stands to seem trashy or 1?

Before I checked the bestsellers list, I had never heard of Chelsea Handler. I’ve learned that she is not only an author and comedian; she’s also the host of her own show on E!talk, Chelsea Lately.  In addition, NBC announced that they may possibly produce a comedy series based on this book and reviews show that neither fans nor NBC network consumers are thrilled. Chelsea has her share of those that devour her humor and she also has a huge share of those that thinks she’s cornier than corn which might explain why the name of her book is very similar (being an understatement) to Judy Blooms “Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret or is she so talented that she can back it up.

    One of my favorite quotes read  "At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and then some Matthew McConaughey type either whips around the corner just in the nick of time to save her or is clumsily pulled down along with her. That event predictably leads to the magical moment of their first kiss. Please. I fall ALL the time. You know who comes and gets me? The bouncer." I thought that this was extremely funny and realistic. This kind of stuff only happens on TV or once in a lifetime. Most likely if you fall, you either pick yourself up or someone will hep you up and it will most likely be another female before a male nowadays because chivalry acts have gone extinct. Most time I fall from being intoxicated with vodka and my friends pick me up so this is oh so true. I haven’t really seen where Chelsea made a huge dent in history however; her honestly allows her to be an author that humorously lets all her skeletons out of the closet and the first author revealing that she has done drugs with her gynecologist.